Here is a collection of my poetry ... Make yourself
comfortable and read away ...
I hope you like it ::smile::
Ocean of Guilt
You look into my eyes
I can see your soul ...
You see the darkness within me, trying to run
away
And I try to cry out to you
To make you want me,
To make you need me like I need you,
I'm not like you, I need someone
To help me,
To hold me,
To protect me,
To guide me through ...
My thoughts of you I keep in my mind
Locked up in a safe ...
Safe ? No - nothing is ever safe ...
I pray you can't see through
For I would die inside if you did
The blackness surrounding me would grow
An ocean of hopes, thoughts, memories,
Your voice, your touch, just you ...
I know you ...
But somehow you don't know me - and you
never will
No one will - I can't let it happen
But maybe ...
Someday you will grow to love me...
As I have always loved you ...
The Lie Of Love
When I learned tomorrow never came
I knew it would bring more and more shame ...
Your famiily asked me to go through your things
All the memories back I knew it would bring ...
Your love meant so very much
I could barely wait for your touch
But then one fine day
When we were both so happy and so gay,
You told me our love was growing old
We both became so indifferent and so cold
You said the love we had would never break -
But still my heart began to ache
I wish I knew now
What later you came to tell me somehow
As the years began to go
The love you felt you would never show,
I began to ask why and why
You pretended to let our love die ...
Did you think I would wait ?
And around my heart place a gate ?
I finally began to look and look
But the recipe of love just never seemed to cook
Your love more and more I began to miss
And I waited and yearned for that special kiss
I always thought of you
No one else would ever do ...
Our love we felt we kept inside
We thought time we just could bide
I eventually found someone new
But he seemed never to replace you ...
Finally on that same day much later, you told me
of your feelings -
I was not yet done healing,
I thought my feelings I could hide until the
morrow
And like a river flows unleash my sorrow
The very next day you did die -
How could we ever have lived such a lie ?
We loved with all our hearts
But forever now until Heaven will we be apart ...
Searching Machine
I look up at the stars and think silently ...
Seeing your face, breathing your life
You enter me in your own way ...
Dancing through my dreams and nightmares
I wonder ...
Chances ...
Situation after damning situation
All the thought, all the memories
I still see you
And you still see me
I know I enter your thoughts from time to time
Time after time, I think
Thinking - something I wish I never did or could
never do, maybe ...
I think in silence and in screams
Screaming your name, you calling my every
thought
You yearn for me - I can see it in your eyes
But you never seem to see what is always
in front of your face, right ?
I could give you so much -
Even if I got very little in return
Something I never had anyways
And I realize I will never have ...
I take your hand and you enter me
Intercourse in its own way
You in your own way and I in mine ...
Losing ... always, and never losing ...
Restless Thoughts
On my mind you were right there,
Right there all the time ...
I tried and tried though now I can't see why
All I can do is sit and cry
You say you love me ...
You say you care ...
But sometimes I wonder if it is all really there
I guess I should just give up
But my heart says no
I wish all the pain away to make it go -
I shared my secrets, my hopes, my fears
All of it for nothing ...
Why do I keep this going ?
I try not to give up, but you make it so hard
I finally have come to realize
I should just move on and forget ...
So as the last tear slides down my cheek ...
I just want to erase the pain and find what I seek
But ...
It's all just restless thoughts ...
What Might Have Been
What might have been
May never have been at all
You keep thinking and searching
But still no answers appear
You ask yourself ...
What do I really feel ?
And things just seem to go grey
You lose yourself in a deep well of blackness
And yet you still go on ...
You know it can not and will never be
You have moved on and so has he
But the feelings never die,
They just fade away with time
You know who you love and realize it will last
But still you wonder what might have been
And you think in silence
May it never have been at all ?
Motionless
Sad, delirious cryings,
Behind thousands by eternity's shroud ...
Beneath God,
Together you have the time
Needful death and blood ?
A never frantic-like whispering ...
I will have bitter powers above you
See, moan, chant life and manipulate
Worship the sordid, sweet void
Stare into the blackness
Let man recall, though it is so easy to run
Like her repulsive crush,
One spray near it, hitting the raw, ugly
symphony
Our flooding winds and skies, like from my sea
Yet say not like the one true friend,
Who may not leave me after
But will always ask to stay ...
Love
Love ...
It makes you hurt
It makes you cry
Love ...
It makes you happy
And sometimes even sad
Love ...
What makes love grow ?
And how can it continue on for an eternity ?
Love ...
How do you hold onto your feelings ?
And how are you sure that it is all really there ?
Love ...
It makes you think and it makes you learn
With love there are no questions and no answers
With love you just seem to know ...
Difference
Looking back on those memories
I wonder why it all even mattered
I spent my days thinking,
"What did I do wrong ?"
And other thoughts enter my mind,
"How could I have saved it ?"
And the tears, so many, fall down like rain
I guess it was the fact I cared a little too much
And I find I definitely expected too much in return
All I wanted was some of your time
And of course a little love
I listened to what you said
And took those three special words for granted
All I ever wanted was your honesty
But no, that was never possible
And I suppose it was something I never deserved
So I will whisper my last goodbye
And make the memories fade back into time ...
My All
You always bring me up when I am down
And you always seem to know how to
wipe away my frown
You have restored my trust
Being with you is now a total must
You were there when I needed you
And I hope you always know
that I am here for you too
I love you with all of my heart
And I pray to God that we will never part
I know sometimes I can be insecure
But I have your love -
I have never been so sure
I can not seem to get you out of my mind
I honestly do not know how you can be so kind
I know we are far apart in distance
But that does not
And will never decrease my love's existance
So until the day I can hold you close
So you can finally see
I hope and pray
You will love and keep faith in me
Bitten
It is so easy for you
You can never see through me
I watch you through the glass of time
As I am tempted to bust
that ever perfect bubble ... with a dream
Or more so a nightmare -
A thoughtless, dreamless nightmare
But hell -
You can never shatter me
I have that armoured forcefield
No one has the key
Sometimes I want in - never coming out
Sometimes I want out - never coming in
I do -- two words
I do know how it is -- six words --
No one else can ever see
How the story of me unfolds
The loves - the lies
The ever severed ties untold
Untold -- yeah untold
Wrapping around me like ...
Like .. something cold but somehow warm
Somehow, someway
Starlight, Starbright
I step toward you - turning you off
Off - out like a circuit blown
The circuit of my life
Looking in the mirror
Only seeing the past
It is there once again
That ever loving, ever passionate monster
The monster who declares and created me
Bitten by who I am
And how it came to be
A bill I can never pay
I can never be you
And you -- my darling --
Will never, never dare to be me ...